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Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 7:03 pm
Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2018 10:02 am
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2018 11:38 am
A man is a talent scout for a strip orientated night club
One night the scout rings the night club owner breathless with excitement & says
"I've got a great new act for your club. She'll really pull the punters in"
"Oh yeah" yawned the owner who'd heard it all before
"What's so special about her then?"
"Get this. She's got a seventy-two inch chest" said the scout
"Hmm interesting. What does she do? Is she a good singer? Or a good dancer perhaps? Or a comedian? Or a juggler?"
"Naa, naa" said the scout. "She don't do none of that. She just crawls on stage & tries to stand up"
Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2018 3:11 pm
Business man books into a hotel for a week's stay
The first morning he is woken at 7am by a knock at the door
He gets out of bed & opens the door. The chambermaid is there.
She pushes him onto the bed & felates him
This happens each day including his last day
Booking out he says to the receptionist
"Each morning at 7am I was awoken by a chambermaid who felated me"
"Yes sir" replied the receptionist "Every room comes with a Goblin teasmaid"
Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2018 3:12 pm
Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2018 10:15 am
Lucky Arthur who was the local odd job man in the village, who was sarcastically named "Lucky" because he was always having accidents & injuring himself
One day he approached the local timber merchant to see if he would give him any work. The merchant replied that the only work he could offer was in the saw mill
Arthur pleaded to be given a job saying that he was much more alert & careful these days & hadn't been involved in any accidents for quite some while. Reluctantly the boss agreed & Arthur started right away feeding timber into the giant saw blades
Poor Arthur hadn't been on his own for longer than a couple of minutes when he stumbled forward & the giant blades cut off all his fingers & thumbs on both hands
In a state of shock poor Lucky ran back & forth around the mill like a headless chicken before running overland to the local hospital. When he arrived there he promptly fainted
Coming round a few hours later Lucky looked up & there was Mr Foster, the hospital surgeon,
"I would have brought them with me" cried Lucky "but..... but.... I couldn't pick them up"
Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2018 10:11 am
Harold rings the bell at Peggy Sue's house
Peggy Sue's mother answers the door
"I've come to pick up Peggy Sue to take her to the dance"
Mum invites him in & tells him Peggy Sue is upstairs getting ready to go out
While Mum & Harrold were sat in the lounge, drinking tea, whilst waiting for Peggy Sue to get ready, Mum tells Harrold, Peggy Sue just loves to dance; especially the Screw
"Yes" says Mum. "Peggy Sue loves to screw; she could do it all day long"
Harrold smiles to himself & thinks he's got it made
Peggy Sue eventually comes down stairs all dolled up, wearing her hair in a Bee Hive style
So off Harry & Peggy Sue go to the dance
Half an hour later, Peggy Sue returns alone, all dishevelled
"It's Twist Mum; Twist"
Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2018 9:57 am
"Do you remember the guy who Frank Bruno fought in his first crack at the heavyweight championship of the world?
Well, I have just heard on the news he has been stabbed.
Now what was his name? Tim? Tim Wither? Tim?"
"No. With a knife"