Christmas

A place for... well, jokes! Try to keep it clean people, this is a family forum! ;-)

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greenfingers
Needs to get out more!!
Needs to get out more!!
Posts: 874
Joined: Wed May 10, 2006 7:23 am
CB Handle: GREENFINGERS
Location: Bournemouth/poole

Sun Nov 30, 2008 9:14 am

What did the dog breeder get when she crossed an Irish Setter with a Pointer at Christmastime?
A "pointsetter"!

What do sheep say to each other at Christmastime?
Merry Christmas to ewe!

What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime?
Season's Bleatings!

How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
Fleece Navidad!

How do Chihuahua's say Merry Christmas?
Fleas Navidog!

What's the best thing to put into Christmas dinner?
Your teeth!

Why should Christmas dinner always be well done?
So you can say "Merry Crispness"!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!

A definition of Christmas:
The time when everyone gets "Santa"-mental.

What’s red, white and blue at Christmas time?
A sad candy cane!

What did one Christmas cracker say to the other Christmas cracker?
My POP is bigger than yours!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Donut.
Donut who?
Donut open 'til Christmas!

What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood!

What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
The letter "Y"!

What do angry mice send to each other in December?
Cross mouse cards!

What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has "no EL"!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

What happens if you eat too many Christmas decorations?
You get "Tinsel"-itis!

"Do you ever buy any Christmas Seals?"
"No, I wouldn't know how to feed them."

What is the best key to get at Christmas?
A turkey!

What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A list of everything you want!

Why is it so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrr!

What kind of Christmas tree comes from Hawaii?
"O Tanning Palms"!

What do wild animals sing at Christmastime?
Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way!

What's the favourite Christmas Carol of new parents?
Silent Night!

Where do mistletoe go to become famous?
"Holly" wood!

What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light?
You light me up!

A Christmas thought:
STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.

Why do Mummies like Christmas so much?
Because of all the wrapping!
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greenfingers
Needs to get out more!!
Needs to get out more!!
Posts: 874
Joined: Wed May 10, 2006 7:23 am
CB Handle: GREENFINGERS
Location: Bournemouth/poole

Sun Nov 30, 2008 9:16 am

What is green, covered with tinsel and goes "ribbet ribbet"?
A mistle-"toad"!

Did you hear about the cat that swallowed Mrs. Claus' yarn?
She had mittens!

What did the grape say to the peanut butter?
"'Tis the season to be jelly!"

This year even the toys are stressed out!
Yeah, they come already wound up!

What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!

What do you call an exploding Christmas tree?
A Tannen-Bomb!

Knock. Knock.
Who's there?
Hanna.
Hanna who?
Hanna partridge in a pear tree!

What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle smells!

Why is the turkey such a fashionable bird?
Because he's always well dressed when he comes to dinner!

Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling crummy!

Where does mistletoe go to be an actor?
"Holly"-wood!

Why don't penguins fly?
Because they're too short to be pilots!

Why did the mosquito buzz around the bar?
Because he was a "bar humbug"!

What kind of money do they use at the North Pole?
Cold cash!

I keep Christmas in my heart every month of the year.
That's because it's on my charge card statement that long!

Where do you keep a Christmas tree?
Between a Christmas two and a Christmas four!

How much difference is there between the North Pole and the South Pole?
All the difference in the world!

Where would you find chili beans?
At the North Pole!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Wayne.
Wayne who?
Wayne in a manger!

What kind of pine has the sharpest needles?
A porcupine!

What do Eskimos use to hold their homes together?
Ig-"glue"!

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

A Christmas definition:
The time of year when you exchange "hello's" with strangers and "good buy's" with friends!

What is white, lives at the north pole and runs around naked?
A polar bare!

What is in December that isn't in any other month?
The letter "D"!

I know its the thought that counts, not the size of the pressie...
But couldn't people think bigger?

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Holly.
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!

What did one angel say to the other angel?
Halo there!
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